Please note that the title to this post must be read as a rap. And out loud. If you didn’t please stop reading and go back and do it. And please also “tweakle” when you say “why’s,” growl when you say “here” and fist pump in the air when you say “me.” What does tweakle mean you ask? I have no idea. I made it up. It is sort of a combo of twinkle and sparkle with a random “e” thrown in there because it’s my third favorite vowel.
Bonus points if you actually say it in a McDonalds at 6am and don’t get arrested. If you do get arrested you’re on your own. I hereby officially renounce all responsibility for anything that happens to you as a result of any of this. This includes the inevitable kick to your fancy parts if you decide it’s a good idea to wake up your wife with this rap. She will hit you. It will hurt. And you will likely be done having children with her (because she will not want to make more of you and the physical trauma).
OK – are you back? Great! Wassup “don’t call me a mall dwellers?!?!?!”
Just chillin’ at a Mickey Dees like all the rich folks do on a Sunday morning in the six o’clock hour! That’s right – wanna be rich, do what rich people do. Yep – nothin beats free wifi, “dollah coafeee” and plugs at every table. I think Warren Buffett just left as I was walkin in! Damn it Buffett, why do you have to beat me every time! I still haven’t forgiven you for out bidding me for GEICO! Who would have thought they preferred billions of dollars over being my best friend forever. I’ll get you next time!
Well, I haven’t actually checked the balance sheet of the folks sharing the room with me. Is that sort of thing frowned upon? Only one way to find out… (but because I need the free wifi because I’m the the only moron who has work to do at this hour, I think that question will need to go unanswered today…).
wait!!!! there’s a point!
Yeah, everyone’s staring at me here at Mickey D’s. It might be because every other person looks like they’re fifty or more years older than me and they’re wondering what the strange device I’m typing on is… It might be because my half-beard is pretty impressive and my “did you get that in a 3pak” white t-shirt is blinding them (yes. yes I did get it in a 3pak… thank you very much).
But I’m hustling. I’m getting work done. I’ve been up since 4:30 doing things for me and banging out some homework from the office to get ahead and still enjoy time with my family. I shifted my priorities from late night TV and stealing time from my family to shifting as much as I can to the early mornings while they sleep so I can enjoy time with them until the kids are asleep and my wife settles in with some “her” time books or TV shows.
Yes – it turns out my effed up schedule was holding the whole family back. Now I’m at Mickey D’s at 6 in the morning getting things done. They can stare as much as they want. Yes, my age begins with a 3. This, sir, is called a lap top. I realize it’s not on my lap, but they still call it a lap top. If they called it a table top it would be fun to say, but no one would know what they were talking about because the term table top was already used to describe several things. Just google it. I don’t have time to explain what google it means.
And, yes, I did get this shirt in a 3pak.
What were you doing at 4:30 a.m. today? (Please be family friendly, unless of course what you were doing was not family friendly. Then please just say “it wasn’t family friendly.”) Try hustling tomorrow morning. It is amazing how awesome it makes the rest of the day after spending 2 or 3 hours when you first wake up being productive!
No time for spell check. Back to hustling.
Until next time…
EDIT: I lied to you when I said I wouldn’t spell check. When I hit “publish” I noticed that instead of Warren Buffett, I wrote Warren Buffet, his slightly less famous but incredibly more delicious relative. So I made that one change. Don’t worry, I didn’t spell check the rest. Damn it Warren, you got me again!!!